Coping with the repurcussions and emotions of infertility isn’t easy. You might think that I am strong and coping really well, but I actually just hide my emotions well.

I am missing out on something big. I am missing out on it because nobody (including doctors) listened when I said there was something wrong with me.

You might assume that asking someone how treatments are going is the right thing. It isn’t. It is just you asking about something at the wrong time. If I wanted to talk about the process I will. Don’t ask me when you have your 2 kids and just popped them out. You seriously can only twist and turn that knife in my heart when you walked in my shoes.

The worst part of something like this happening to someone is when the support they thought they would have, vanishes. Just because you don’t understand infertility doesn’t mean that you can’t just say – I’m here for you whatever you need.

It has been 2 years. I have written off my in-laws, cousins, aunts/uncles, friends… I don’t have illusions about patching up those relationships. I didn’t matter to them when it mattered most. They will never matter to me again.

noun: depression; plural noun: depressions
eelings of severe despondency and dejection.

Depression is not just an elephant standing around in the room anymore. It is a reality for me every single day.

I don’t believe in psychologists and psychiatrists. You get the same service from talking to a tree. These professions rank right up there with useless and connecting the dots while you pay, and pay, and pay…

Do you know what I was charged for a CUT & PASTE report for the high court? R4,000 x 2 (one for us, one for the surrogate). You tell me, do these people have any scruples?

You make of this post what you will.

It is me rambling today, I’m having one of those days. I’m feeling depressed.


Susann is a travel, parenting, beauty and lifestyle blogger in Johannesburg, South Africa.

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