This was not the plan. It definitely wasn’t the plan to have to find a stranger to carry my child and to spend 100k just to get to that point. It just wasn’t the plan.

If you had met me before I landed in the infertility hell cycle you would not recognise me today. I even suspect my face have changed with all the tears I constantly have to hold back, the anger I have at gynaecologists that never took me seriously and the disappointment in people that was once close to me.

To try and make the best of this horrible situation we have gotten to know our Surrogate mom. We even visited her and got to know her daughters. We even message each other about our day and updates on doctors and schedules for next appointments.

I am petrified of my next “harvesting” in July. what if it is bad news like the first try. What if… If I don’t do it the future reality is no kids. So I just have to do it. If it is successful, I will lose out on 9 months of getting to know my kid.

I wanted to be a mom more than I wanted to climb the career ladder. I wanted kids so I can sit and play with toys. We even bought a beach house so we can have many days on the beach. We did everything right so that our kids would have everything they needed – and all of that hangs by a thread for harvesting to be successful.



Susann is a travel, parenting, beauty and lifestyle blogger in Johannesburg, South Africa.

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