The world breaks everyone, and afterward, some are strong at the broken places. Ernest Hemingway

Have you ever just needed to hear good news, but the good news never comes? Well, that is how I feel. Earlier this month we flew the surrogate in and had one embryo implanted. I didn’t sleep for days before that. It is big. It is huge. It is 4 years of my life.

2 weeks later the surrogate went for a pregnancy test at a lab. The next day the lab phoned her with the results, they didn’t even send it to my specialist. (I will be dealing with this little “slip-up” quite harshly.) The surrogate phoned with bad news – and I never want bad news from her.

The day was made even worse by the fact that it was also the anniversary of the day I lost my Genie. I have been in mourning for a year for my beloved kitten of 16 years. I still haven’t been able to “get over” the loss. And now another loss was added to this day.

We lost an embryo.

I was floored. We had lost the best embryo. Now there is only one left. Next year I will be starting year 5 of treatments. One is not enough, I know the percentages.

It takes a lot out of you to get up after a loss like this. It is insane to do this for so long and to keep at it. I know why I am doing this and even though I break a little every time, I can get up again and again.


Susann is a travel, parenting, beauty and lifestyle blogger in Johannesburg, South Africa.


  1. Sorry to hear, Susan. That is such a big loss.
    Also sorry about your cat. We lost our Yorkie two months back, and we also stil misses him very much! They leave such a huge gap in our lives.

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