If you were looking for information on how to find a surrogate, know that you are not alone – we have been down this road for 9 months (irony).

If your fertility clinic keeps a “waiting list for a surrogate” get onto this list asap. (That is the easy one.) Don’t rely on this “waiting list” to produce a surrogate for you – you are probably going to wait a very long time.

Be proactive about finding a surrogate. Talk to all your friends and family and ask them to share your story (if none of them are willing to be your surrogate). Get the info together on what your surrogate can expect – tests she will be expected to go for, fertility drugs, legal and everything else – and put this in an email anyone can send out.

What to expect when you are looking for a surrogate:

  • Expect many women saying they would love to help, but her husband won’t go for it.
  • Expect to be asked why you aren’t adopting if you can’t have kids.
  • Expect to be asked what is wrong with you and can’t you just have IVF.
  • Expect women saying they will be your surrogate and then just disappear – even if they have discussed it with their husbands and said they will make the appointment for first tests.

Don’t get your hopes up before your potential surrogate went for all the necessary tests and the legal contract is in place.

Never give up. Cry each time you’ve been let down by yet another potential surrogate and get up the next day to start looking again.

Do not limit yourself to 1 clinic or city. We literally put the word out that we would be willing to have a surrogate anywhere in SA that would be willing to travel.

Find your surrogate and hopefully you will be lucky to have your own kid.


Susann is a travel, parenting, beauty and lifestyle blogger in Johannesburg, South Africa.


  1. Thulisile Ngwenya Reply

    We are looking for a surrogate anywhere in a south Africa . Unfortunately we do not have siblings that can help.

    • Good day Thulisile – very late response, but I am going through the process and emotionally it is hard. Talk to your clinic sister about finding a surrogate.

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