After all the bad news I had to educate myself on all the details of my condition, alternative treatments and making sense of FSH, AMH and a bunch of other letters that made no sense. Most importantly, I had to find a surrogate somehow.

What is Endometrioses? Here is what the Mayo Clinic posted on their website:

“Endometriosis occurs when tissue that normally grows in the uterus implants and grows in other locations. This extra tissue growth — and the surgical removal of it — can cause scarring, which may obstruct the tube and keep the egg and sperm from uniting. It can also affect the lining of the uterus, disrupting implantation of the fertilized egg. The condition also seems to affect fertility in less-direct ways, such as damage to the sperm or egg.”

Finding a surrogate had become my number 1 task. When I wasn’t asking people I was running a Facebook campaign encouraging people to share my posts. I was proactive. I believed that their would be some person that would stand up and say “yes, I will do this for you”.

There were plenty of “yes I want to help” or “how much will you pay?”. There even was a “we have talked about this numerous times and DEFINITELY do this”. To this day not a single person stepped up to do what they said they would do.

Every single person that got my hopes up just to not deliver on that promise of becoming my surrogate drove me into depression. I removed myself from the outside world, from any place or person that could remind me of what I will never have. It has been 9 months since I have been a part of my old life. There is nothing left of the old happy me.



Susann is a travel, parenting, beauty and lifestyle blogger in Johannesburg, South Africa.

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